ABUSE PREVENTION PLAN FORM LETTER
I send this letter to everyone. Anytime prevention is requested, and many times not requested, I send this letter. Feel free to copy and paste the following into an email to send to someone that may be in need of a good, solid prevention plan. Or, let recommend this web page.
The purpose of this e-mail is to give you the BEST sexual abuse prevention plan ever created short of keeping your child locked in a closet.. There are some excerpts from Holly Chandler. Holly Chandler treats convicted sex offenders. The best part is, most of the plan came from another co-writer who happens to be a convicted sex offender of children. He was in the 95% category of friends and family when he committed his heinous, and atrocious crime. He was the classic pedophile (see profile of a pedophile at the bottom of this page).
Set up a network with your child. Make sure he has a list of people he can trust. These will be the people he will tell if he is being abused, or being groomed for abuse (see the bottom of this page). Tell him exactly what sexual abuse is.
The next step is somewhat intrusive, and may seem rude. However, this will GREATLY reduce your child from being susceptible to sexual abuse. It takes a bit of work, but it is certainly worth it. There is a method notifying potential offenders (which are usually family and friends), that your child will not become a victim. It is a letter.
By doing these things and going over them with your child often – updating your network, friends, neighbors, etc. – you are letting anyone that is a potential sex offender (active or inactive) know that you, your child, and friends are prepared for them. That their lies will not be believed by your child and your child WILL tell on them without any hesitation. I’m sure you are wondering how will an offender know these things? Simple – YOU told them already! Remember what was said earlier about 95% of all child sexual abuse victims are victimized by family or friends? So, if your child is/was being targeted by an offender the chances are enormous that he/she is someone that you know and trust and could be even someone on your child’s network – that’s why you have him tell 2 people on that list – it provides and extra safety measure for him. Because a sex offender takes advantage of children’s vulnerabilities, being a victim of previous sexual abuse is a big one that they could easily exploit. By following this plan you have in effect told these potential offenders they are going to get caught ahead of time. Sex Offenders generally target children where the risk of getting caught is sufficiently low enough to be worth the risk they are taking. This plan puts them in, what I believe to be, an unacceptable risk category. This means they will target someone else and leave your child alone. Sex Offenders typically keep a mental note of potential victims for future use and by doing this plan they would be taking your child (and usually friends of your child) off that list. As disgusting as that sounds it is very true. That is why telling every one you know about this plan is so important. That is really the secret to its success. After all, for years parents have been telling their children about inappropriate touching, the lies, staying away from strangers and other things about child molesters, but this hasn’t prevented a lot of children from being abused. It probably was the reason the abuse ended when it did, but it had very little to do with true prevention. That’s because no one was telling the potential offender ahead of time. Telling any would be offender that your child is prepared for them WILL scare most of them off.
The following letter can be changed to fit your needs. As it is, it comes across as somewhat accusing, and well, rude. However, it is perfect in its entirety. You can easily say the letter is simply to inform them that your child will might choose them as a trusted adult. If they become offended at this, you punch them in the face. If you do change the letter, send it to me before you send it out, so I can make sure the pertinent information is still present.
TO: Our Family and Friends
From: The _________________________ Family
Our family is working our Abuse Prevention Plan and is notifying ALL our family and friends that we have an Abuse Prevention Plan in place to protect our children from being sexually abused. We have decided to take a more direct approach to our child’s/children’s safety.
Some of you may be asked to be a part of our child’s/children’s contact network, but that is our child’s decision. Please do not be offended if you are not chosen, after all they still may contact you if they feel they need to.
We also hope that in no way that this letter offends you. We know this letter does not apply to the overwhelming majority of people in society, but there are those who it does apply to. After learning that the largest amount of victims are abused by family and friends, we believe that in our child’s/children’s best interest we must do these things to safeguard them. In fact, we expect the same from our family and friends and expect to receive similar letters or discussions, and eagerly await them. We have enclosed a copy of the actual Abuse Prevention Plan for your convenience.
We are letting everyone know we have discussed at great length everything in the abuse Prevention Plan with our child/children. Our child/children are well prepared for any one who would want to hurt them and have our unconditional love, support and reassurance and know not to believe anything else. They have also been well informed on typical lies that are told to innocent victims to silence them. Our children have numerous people to contact in the event someone is trying to hurt them. We are committed to ensuring our child’s/children’s safety and will review, reinforce and update this plan with them often.
We would expect no less from our families and friends because we know you love your children as we do ours. Thank you for letting us into your home with such a sensitive subject. But, as we have learned, it is that sensitivity – a reluctance to talk about this – that allows these perpetrators to hurt our children.
Sincerely,
If you send this letter consistently, your child will most likely NEVER be targeted. Of course, there are less drastic plans that you may want to try, however none as effective.
Here are those definitions I promised:
Profile of A Pedophile
Keep in mind that there are many good people out there, and good people typically have these characteristics. Use this profile when you or your child believe they are being targeted. You can always get another babysitter, scout leader, etc...
Accepted by all age groups.
Seems to be trustworthy.
Usually is a respected member of the community.
Mainly interacts with children.
Will go out of way to interact with target.
Feels more comfortable with children.
Is attracted to prepubescent boys and girls.
Can be any sexual orientation.
"Grooms" his/her way into child's life. (See Grooming Process)
Usually picks out needy children, or more vulnerable.
Will enter a relationship with another that has children of his preferred age group.
Rarely forces or coerces a child into sexual contact. Usually through trust and friendship. He/she cares for the child, and does not want to hurt him/her.
Contact progresses over time. i.e. from holding to hugging, to pats on the bottom, to tickling, to kissing, etc.
Some pedophiles only need to look. Some need to see children nude. There are many ways a pedophile will abuse a child, without actual sexual intercourse. It's still abuse.
Wants to be alone with child, seems to want to spend more time with child than even the parents.
Are primarily (but not always) male, masculine, better-educated, more religious than average, in their thirties, and choose jobs allowing them greater access to children.
Are usually family men, have no criminal record, and deny that they abuse children, even after caught, convicted, incarcerated, and court-ordered into a sex offender program.
If a pedophile is married, it usually is filled with sexual dysfunction. The pedophile is merely masking his/her true desires.
Many pedophiles have been sexually abused themselves. However, this fact may be flawed. And yes, it is. Although research shows this to be true, most report inaccurately.
Even if the pedophile has no children, his home is usually child-friendly, with toys, books, video games, computers, bikes, swing sets, skateboards, rec room, pool, snacks - things to attract children to his home and keep them coming back.
Usually the items reflect the preferred age of his victims.
A female pedophile usually abuses a child when partnered with an adult male pedophile, and is often herself a victim of chronic sexual abuse.
Pedophiles truly believe they are cause no harm to child. They believe they are sharing a special bond, mutually expressing love. Pedophiles have severe cognitive distortions which are very dangerous lines of thought. Fortunately, there are more good people out there, who simply love children like all children deserve to be.
The Grooming Process: Sexual Grooming.
These are the clever little tactics those sick bastards use. Trust me, they work. I was tricked by many of these.
Paying attention to a child who appears emotionally needy
Talking about sexual issues, showing adult magazines or films, letting the child know s/he can come to you for sexual information or concerns
"Accidentally" or purposefully exposing yourself (coming out of the bath, wearing shorts that allow a view of the genitals, openly praising nudity as "normal", etc.)
Giving gifts, money, taking the child places, providing alcohol or drugs
Telling the child that you need to examine his/her body for some reason
Physical contact such as wrestling, tickling, pats on the butt, etc.
Intrusive questions about the child's sexual development, fantasies, masturbation habits, or giving the child more information about sex than is appropriate for the child's age or developmental level
Bringing yourself down to the child's level of play (becoming the child's "buddy")
Sharing inappropriate information about yourself or relationship problems, such as marital difficulties
Not respecting the child's boundaries or privacy. This may be "rules" that bedroom or bathroom doors must be open, reading child's mail or diaries, going through their possessions, etc. It may also be verbal, such as intrusive questions about the child's activities or friends beyond what is appropriate for a parent to do. It may also be done by staring at the child or looking at his/her body in a way that makes him/her uncomfortable
There are other ways offenders "groom" a potential victim. While on the surface, these activities may seem innocent enough, they are often the prelude to a sexual contact with the child.
The key to keeping your child from being emotionally needy is simple. Every child wants to be loved, accepted, and understood. Do this for your kids, and they won’t turn to anyone else.
I hope this helps all of you in your endeavor. I certainly don’t envy you. Sexual abuse is terrible thing, and prevention is difficult. Intervention is never the way to go, for it is far too late. I believe being potentially viewed as the most over protective parent on the planet far outweighs any harm to your child.
Sincerely,
You
